"My Spider Senses Were Tingling"

Every nerve, every sense was on high alert; the waves crashing over the nose of my canoe, wind driven rain lashing my face, as I struggled to keep the canoe on line; close to land, should we need a quick exit. My “partner” for the day was of no use, having empty the contents of her stomach on the previous portage with convulsive wretches, brought on by nothing more than fear. Now she was a liability, her few attempts with no timing or strength, as she tried placing her paddle in the water, almost capsized us. Though we were in the company of several other canoes, the water was cold this fall and hypothermia a reality. If they couldn't reach us in time; getting us out of the water and to shore, we’d be in real trouble. Given the wind, condition of the bay and my partner, it was obvious, we needed to move to shore and stop for the day; at least for the time being.

Ever been in a situation that commanded such attention? It seems the more experience I gain in life, the more I see clearly these moments others miss in the everyday events of life and growth.

I had such an experience when one of my sons announced on “Facebook” he was “in a relationship” a common thing in our world for a 20 year old. So why are my “spider senses tingling”?

It continues to be an expected, yet under-directed and under-informed part of our Students lives. What one thing, next to embracing Christ, will have more impact in their lives than this; their understanding, pursuit and marriage to a member of the opposite sex? (Never mind in today’s world we first have to convince them, though nature screams it, that it needs to be a member of the opposite sex!)

Most teaching handles the obvious of purity and appropriate behavior, but what of the underlying and necessary assumptions; shared values, goals, and life mission? Relational aptitude (treating others correctly) and monogamy aside, more relationships have been shipwrecked on these rocks, those necessary assumptions, than anything else. Even the number one thing that couples fight over; “money” carries basic and foundational difference of values at its core: Those embattled, holding views often unknown to themselves, born out by action and response more than conscious dogma (belief).

If you’re working with students, make sure to bring them to the foundation of their lives; an unwavering understanding of their own call and purpose in Christ for this life, their work and destination; before you merely succumb to the typical cultural model of handling all the expected transitions in their lives. The very heart of the issue is their design. We know that we shouldn't be “unequally yoked” (2 Cor. 6:14 KJV) specifically speaking of believers marrying unbelievers or partnering with them. At its bedrock it speaks of two individuals with distinct natures who will approach work (life) differently (Duet 22:10). If you are going to do justice to your students in the department of relationships, not only do you need to win the battle of Missionary dating, moral purity and being truly connected to Christ, but of personal nature and call. How does each of your students need to re-present Christ: One a gifted musician with a passion for people yet so very quiet, another boisterous commanding attention, sometimes demanding it with little concern for the given decorum of the moment? Where is God leading them? You will only be able to give small hints in this process, for it is a life journey and only their own relationship with God will unlock it fully, but you need them to be clued into the process and some important markers of their own wiring and destiny.  

“If you’re designed to be a distance runner it is a sure bet, you won’t be living your life in a series of sprints. So why do you keep eyeing the sprinters as potential partners to complete your race?”

Your Students need to figure out their own (God given) design; passions, skills/abilities, and dreams; their calling before they tie their hearts, lives and dreams with another’s; one who may be headed in an opposing direction. For those who find my words compelling make sure you champion the process for others. To those quick to dismiss such things; we'll just follow the trail of broken relationships, hearts and dreams you've propagated through denial, ignorance, or worse an embrace of our present cultures morays.