"Are You an Expert?"
Over the past several years I have had the privilege to get
to know a young man and his family. Loren is a quadriplegic and for the first
few years, was quite mobile, an active college student. As time and our
relationship progressed he began to deteriorate suffering from acute pain to
the point of being bed ridden. On several occasions he ended up in emergency
trying to manage the unbearable pain. Two particular episodes stand out in my
mind; let me share them with you.
“As I walked in the room it was obvious Loren had had all he
could take and was in a place we can only imagine. I looked at his parents,
both in the medical field having been corpsmen. His father in fact was in
charge of one of the labs in the hospital. Both mom and dad recounted different
aspects of Loren’s condition, history, filling in the emergency room staff as
too past procedures in the escalating pain. The staff a “seasoned” group of
individuals (you could tell not just by demeanor, but the grey around the
temples) listened intently to Loren’s parents making them part of the team,
very aware that these two were far more in the know about their son and his
condition, than they who had just met him and were generalists in
medicine. At one point Loren’s dad
offered and proceeded to hand carry blood work to the lab expediting the
results far quicker than the system could working normally. The Doctors, the
nurses all preformed with the utmost attention to the situation, taking nothing
for granted. As a team, which held as key players Loren’s parents, they were
able to get the pain to subside and allow Loren to return home. (More than a
year later Loren would find himself hospitalized for three months as they tried
to assist in reversing the debilitating pain.)"
Fast forward just several days later same scenario, same
hospital, different and younger staff.
"As I walked in I sensed a far different
atmosphere. Anytime the parents would offer information concerning their son
and his condition; levels of pain and appropriate medicine dosages, things that had an established
medical history for him and were well documented, they were quickly brushed
aside with not a little disdain from the “medical experts”. Never mind that his
chart was available from several days earlier. Never mind that these doctors
and nurses had less experience than the earlier team, medically and with
Loren’s condition. They were the experts and no amount of information these two
individuals could share could have any possible value. These had their system,
their procedures and were not going to break protocol. What a difference in the
time it took to get the desired outcome, the tension that was caused and the
frustration on all involved. At one point as earlier in the week Loren’s dad
again offered to carry blood work to the lab; the nurse in charge became
visibly livid, then through shortened words and breath, let him know this would
not be allowed. It was easily translated as 'I’m in charge. You obviously have
a misguided impression, as if you could ever be of any value in the process!'"
While this is an admitted extreme case I often wonder as I
listen to youth Pastors speak of parents which of these approaches they are
taking as they work with the students. Admittedly there are many instances
where a parent needs an outside perspective, but no matter how severe the
situation is it will most certainly not accomplish Christ’s plan for the
student or the parents if one approaches ministry with them as the latter team
of Doctors and nurses; the “professionals” did. One needs to build a ministry
plan that takes into account God’s parameters adjusting our understanding to
His desires not to cultures brush stroke. No matter your intent can I challenge
you to take a fresh look at your relationship and involvement to the parents of
you students.?
